It has just been confirmed that Scott Morrison is receiving treatment for burns to private parts after his pants caught on fire !!!!!!!! The exclusive following photograph shows him leaping about in agony as the bushfire spread rapidly through his jodhpurs into the coal pit . At first , onlookers thought he was doing a Highland fling he had picked up in a gentlemen's Glasgow nightclub.
The Arson Squad has been called in to investigate and has not ruled out an attack by disgruntled French fifth columnists from the Sydney suburbs of Sans Souci and La Perouse keen to get even with ScoMo for cancelling the submarine contract .
Shocked eye-witnessers told ace political reporter Argus Tuft that ScoMo burst into flames in Toorak, Melbourne , at the end of a long day of posing for 50 photo and spiel spreading opportunities , across three states.
This had involved him doing a wide range of stunts ... charging a fleet of EV pantechnicons , making Chinese springrolls , going to Bert Newton's funeral service , kissing three babies (later found to be suffering from cradle cap ) , kicking another Cronulla Corgi, riding a flat-tyred tandem bicycle with Barnaby Joyce in New England , feeding the Taronga Zoo elephants , regularly accusing the ABC and ALP of subversion along the way .
The PM, for the umpteenth time, had just trumpeted the obvious election slogan that CAN DO CAPITALISM would set the Aussie economy on fire when smoke was noticed coming out of his pants . Women screamed and fainted as he attempted to take off his pants , dogs barked , six trams were derailed , many people lost bladder control .In uncouth circles, this is known as pissing yourself laughing .
A Northern Territory fireman has suggested static electricity caused by the PM taking part in so many photo opportunities on one day caused the Merino wool in his made in Italy suit to combust , burst into flames . It could have also been fed by explosive dried jumbo dung which blew into the PM's trews , in which case Sabu the elephant boy should be sacked at Taronga Zoo for gross negligence and forced to find a new career as an underpaid picker of crops .
