CURLEWS LAY MORE EGGS



Littledarwin  resident  Curlews  spring surprise in  Ikebana  class .



BISHOP WITH UNEXPECTED HIDDEN TALENT

Dressed in black  like a  mourner at  the imminent  funeral  of   the   Turnbull Government ,  Foreign Minister  Julie  Bishop revealed  the  little known  fact that  she  is a  polished  stand up  comedian , as  shown by  the above reaction when  she  accused  the  subversive Australian Labor  Party of  colluding  with  a  foreign  power  to  bring down  the  Coalition. The  popular  image  of Ms. Bishop is  that  of a hard nosed , gimlet  eyed   person  with a fierce  glare  that  melts  garden  gnomes,  captured  in  cartoons  with  unfunny fly in the  ointment Tony Abbott , a   former   Pommie .  

Yet  her   hidden giggly  side  came  through in the House of  Representatives/    Canberra  New Zealand Tourist Bureau   booking office and departure lounge  when she went on about   the perfidious Bill Shorten  conspiring  with   the  Kiwis   to despicably  prove  that  Deputy PM   Barnaby Joyce , an admitted  New Zealander , is  a  New  Zealander, not  related after  all to  the  swaggie  with a penchant  for  getting  up  close  to  sheep  , who   fell  in the water , as in The Goon Show ,  and   inspired   the   great Aussie patriotic   song , Waltzing  Matilda .

  

It is tipped that  Bishop will   head  the  ( Bill)ing  at the  next Comedy  Festival in Melbourne along with another Bishop  who performs acts with  assorted barnyard  animals .   

 

The very next day, by popular demand , FM Bishop was  back entertaining the  troops with her  zany patter  , accusing  the  guffawing  ALP  of  conspiracy  and   other  treasonable  plots  with   the   puha and  pakeha   eaters  across  the Tasman to undermine  the  sovereign government of Australia . On  that occasion , she wore  a nifty sackcloth outfit , below , in  readiness for  the  inevitable  Coalition  burial  ,   the  following  wake  a  real  hoot , like  the smashing  party  held  when  the Mad Monk was booted out  by   his colleagues  and   Malcolm  Turnbull   foolishly  took   the   helm .

The cheeky  New Zealand Herald  joined in the  fun by  depicting   Barnaby Joyce , who overnight  no longer calls Chateau Tongariro home , sitting in  parliament , arms  folded,  his  head  a  sliced  in  half  Kiwi  fruit .

BREAKING NEWS : Two non-nuclear vessels  from a New Zealand  invasion  fleet were this morning sighted  in the  Magnetic Island marina . One was  flying a pennant indicating  all out war on Australia-an All Blacks   flag , the  other  a  fern or an  extinct  Moa  feather , below .

GHOST OF SIR GARFIELD INVOKED IN CRAZY COBBER / KIWI CAPER

CANBERRA : Answering the urgent call  to once more come to the aid of  the  desperate  to  hold or  get  power at any cost   Liberal Party  and its  Country Cousins  ,  the  former Chief Justice  of the  High Court , the late  Sir Garfield Barwick , has  made a  spooky return to the  premises.  A   terrified High  Court  cleaner  last night  snapped  the above  exclusive  photograph  of   Sir  Garfield  in  the former  office  he  occupied , the building   dubbed  Barwick's  Mausoleum ,

 Sir  Garfield is either saluting , swatting a pesky  Bogong moth  or  tick-tacking for  a  Canberra  SP  bookie  offering  odds  on  the  outcome of  Barnaby Joyce's  High Court  case  over  his  Kiwi citizenship .  Astute readers of this blog will notice that  the  bookcase  in the photo is  much  larger than  that  of  the current Federal Attorney-General ,  George  Brandis.

 

It will be  recalled that  Sir Garfield, once a  Tory politician , renowned for   rambling ,  flowery speeches , was the  Chief  Justice  when   thirsty  Sir John Kerr  sought  advice  from  him  before  sacking  Gough Whitlam . 

 

On hearing of   Sir Garfield's  return to the High Court, PM  Malcolm Turnbull said  he is certain  the learned  judge would  use his  influence  on  present   day   High Court judges   to make sure  Barnaby's Kiwi   citizenship is confirmed  and he is shipped  out  to  Rotorua to  become a  whip cracking  poi  dancer  in  the  famous  Maori  Concert   Party . 

   

Meanwhile ,  Bill Shorten  has demanded an  exorcist armed with garlic , a wooden stake , a  crucifix  and   the mind numbing   recordings of   Sir Robert Menzies's  poetic recitations  be  called in  to  rid  the  High  Court of  the  ghastly  Sir  Garfield  spectre to  ease  the  strain on  staff  working  at  night or else  give them  a   special  triple  time  payment  .   

 

(See   Little  Darwin , (SIR) GARFIELD CRACKS A MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKE )

NEW ZEALAND RECEIVES MASSIVE SEISMIC JOLT FROM AUSTRALIA

Anxious looking  Barnaby Joyce  with  his thoroughbred  NZ racehorse, Hinemoa  , part of the famous Phar Lap  bloodline ,   just  before  recently  being called in before the  stewards  to explain  why  it  came  last  at  a bush meeting  ,  outsider   Fine  Cotton  winning  at 100-1 .
 

WELLINGTON : The NZ Stock Market  crashed , the local currency is now as  worthless   as  the Indian  rupee   and  there is weeping and  wailing in the streets  following   the  horrifying  breaking  news that Australia's Deputy Prime Minister,  Barnaby  Joyce ,  is almost certainly going to  be   deported  to the  Shaky Isles  because  he  is really  a   Kiwi .

In further shock news  from  Canberra,  ace  political reporter,  Argus Tuft , who has taken over  from Laurie Oakes , today claimed  he has known  for   years  that   Babbling  Barnaby is  a  New Zealander .  

Tuft  is offering to  sell , for a  fortune ,   rare photographs  of  a  Maori tattoo   on  Barnaby's  rump   setting out  the Joyce  family tree  stating   he  is  a descendant  of  prominent Kiwi   sheep shagger   Hone   Hickup,    of    Waikikamukau, a  quaint  North Island  rural  community, something like  Fred   Dagg's  Footrot  Flats , similar  to  Armidale  in  NSW .  .  

Barnaby  was close to and a  great friend of the Queensland  Premier , Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen , seen beaming over   Joyce's  shoulder in this  photo  , who wanted to be  Prime Minister of Australia , yet he was  born   in  Dannevirke , New Zealand.   Barnaby and  Joh have both been described as "idiosyncratic " - a   common  Kiwi  attribute .  

 

It is to be hoped that when Barnaby  is deported for pretending to be a   fair dinkum  outback Aussie , with straw between his teeth and a whip,  he will take back to  the  Land of the Long  White   Clo(u)ds the mortal remains of  Joh  in  a  Queensland  pickle bottle  and shove  it down a  volcanic crack to warm the  cockles  of  his  heart . 

 

During  Question Time in the House of Representatives  when his  nationality was  the hot  topic  and it was moved that he  not be heard in the chamber  , Barnaby  became  red faced , shouted , waved  his arms about , finger pointed  as if  doing  a mug's  imitation of  the  Haka performed  by  the  All Blacks  before  the start of another  thrashing  of  Australia  in  the  Bledisloe  Cup series.

 

Thankfully,  he did not mention testicles and terrorists in the outburst , but  Townsville   was   mentioned  many   times , as were most other points of the compass . 

DONALD HORNE IN AN INSPIRING PART OF THE LUCKY COUNTRY

A  recent  read  ,    Dying  A Memoir by   Donald Horne   and   his  wife , Myfanwy   Horne , Viking  2007 ,  brought  out  the  fact   that    the  Northern Territory   had  influenced  his  early writing .  He  recalled that as  an  18  year old university student  he   wrote several  sonnets  which were published, panned  by a   poet friend .  This  response, he wrote ,  had  caused  him  to  brood   for several  months  and  he  gave up   writing  experimental  sonnets.

However, posted to the  Northern Territory   during  WWll , the images   there  impressed him so much  he began  writing  about them  in letters ;  late in life ,  dying  from  pulmonary fibrosis , he wondered if  he had  persisted with  sonnet  writing  he would  have  produced  distinctive works . At  this  late stage in  his  life he could  have been  lying  in  bed dictating  sonnets.

One of his interesting  essays in the book   further explained  the  part    the   Northern Territory played  in the education  of young  Donald . While serving  as  a  gunner  in  various parts of the Top End, at one stage in  a    commandeered  square of houses  near a  bombed Darwin hotel , he , surprisingly , received   quality overseas   publications  from  friends   ,  monthlies and  quarterlies , from Britain  and America ,  which   had  a big effect  on him ....The Economist  changed my  life . 

 

The Northern Territory, he wrote, added  to the list  of  things  in which   he was   ready to  take  an  intelligent   interest .

Other  subjects covered in the essays include   his  views  on  the media , democracy ,  politics   and   the   dismissal   of  the  Whitlam  Government-all relevant  to  the  not so  lucky  nation  today .  

 

Myfanwy  Horne , a former  Sydney Morning Herald journalist, was consulting editor  to all her husband's published work , starting with the   The Lucky Country in 1964. She was involved pro bono in various cultural  and social projects , including the photographic exhibition, The Struggle  for Australian  Democracy  1788  to the Present , which toured  in  the   late l970s.   

Donald  Horne,  born Sydney  1921, diplomatic  cadet, journalist  , magazine  editor  and  academic ,  became a  household name with publication of   The Lucky Country ,  died    2005 .  

 

Just released  is  Donald Horne : Selected Writings , edited by son Nick Horne , La Trobe University Press  .  

CREATIVE CURLEWS JOIN IKEBANA FLORAL APPRECIATION CLASS

Our  attention drawn  to  Curlews acting strangely  at the front of  the block resulted in the discovery of a   chick , a few days old , one of  two which  had  hatched on an  adjoining  property .

BRISVEGAS BY NIGHT

Story Bridge, Brisbane, during the  Ekka . Photograph by Abra .