WELLINGTON: In what must surely be fake news, a local scurrilous tabloid , the Stewart Island Daily Telegraph , today claimed that an ancestor of the whip cracking , fair dinkum New Zealand Deputy PM of Australia , Barnaby Joyce , sold axes to Maori troublemaker Hone Heke who chopped down flagpoles flying the British flag.
This , the paper trumpeted , was clearly an act of conspiracy to bring down the Britannic Government in the Shaky Isles . Chop, chop was not a case of a Maori celebrating the Chinese New Year , but a planned act of sabotage .
In an exclusive expose in The Telegraph , showbiz and glue sniffing roundsman, Whaka Bolt , who regularly moonlights as a Penny Haka performer for tourists at Whakarewarewa , claims Ebenezer Joyce, a one legged Yankee whaler , not only made and sold lousy beer called Waikato Mud , but supplied axes to Hone Heke and encouraged him to chop down British flagpoles .
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| Kia ora |
With great gusto, Hone , a proud warrior , annoyed by the British , chopped down any official flagpole he saw with John Bull's waistcoat flying in the breeze .
Unfortunately , the axe heads were not made from the finest British Sheffield steel, soon became rusty and useless , which made Hone so angry he placed a powerful curse on the entire Joyce clan .
Unfortunately , the axe heads were not made from the finest British Sheffield steel, soon became rusty and useless , which made Hone so angry he placed a powerful curse on the entire Joyce clan .
Soon tipped to be axed by the High Court , Kiwi Kid Barnaby Joyce shown here entertaining parliament with an imitation of the Pohutu Geyser about to blow , after being loaded with soft soap and siphoned off Murray-Darling riverwater .
