ABC BLAMED FOR BUNYIP ARISTOCRACY CLANGER

A feral  ,  unpatriotic   ABC   thought  bubble  is  blamed for  PM  Abbott’s weird  decision  to  bring  back  ye olde  night  hoods -Oops! Cardinal Pell would not agree -  knighthoods. The   dramatic  and  exclusive photograph ,  showing  the  PM   imitating   a  court  jester who always gets the  last  laugh ,  was  snapped  seconds  before  the  free-ranging  ABC  bubble  in  the  background  was  sucked  into  his  mouth .  After  ingestion , he  had what has  been branded  the   impetuous, impossible   idea   to  turn  Australians   into   lords  and    ladies .

ABC  Insiders screen grab  of  Merry  Brisbane  papers

However,   in  the    Coalition  Dirty Tricks  Bunker , a  dog  loving  member of  the  spin team , Andrew Woofer,  today  said  the PM’s announcement   was   planned   long   before  he  swallowed   the   Cadbury  chocolate -  coated  bubble .
 

 Woofer said  it  was part of  the master  plan to  secure  the  votes  of  all  sections  of  the community – dog  and  cat  owners  , West  Australians who  store coal  in   their  bathtubs ,  rednecks , bigots , rascists , market  manipulators , tragics  who  listen  to  and  believe  shock  jocks  , sad  sacks who  frequent clubs   and  the   moneyed elite   who  believe they  are  above  the common herd   of   sweaty  Australians  and  should therefore  receive  regular  invitations to  a  Buckingham Palace  garden party  and a   Chrissy card each  year  from  Lizzie Two Stroke  and  Phil  the Greek  with a  photo of  the  cute  Corgis  tearing  apart  a  stuffed   Koala  Bear ,  a  regular   Queen’s  birthday  gift    from    monarchist  , Professor  David  Flint .

ROADKILL : NO PICNIC FOR SNAKE AT PICNIC BAY

Vallis Photograph .

ROYAL COMMAND RAIN DANCE

Vallis  Photograph

NORTH QUEENSLAND DELUGE

Gustav  Creek, Magnetic Island , running  into marina .Vallis Photo

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Vallis Photograph

THE SCHOOL AT POO CORNER -With sincere apologies to A. A. Milne .

With  good  reason , it   is   said   that    little  boys  are  made  from   snips  and  snails   and    puppydog  tails , while  girls   are  an   amalgam of   sugar  and spice  and   all  things  nice.    At   a  certain  North Queensland  state   primary  school   there    is   a  tree   with   holes  from  which    black   goo   issues  ,  obviously    gum   .  However,   according  to   our  informant  , a   girl,  not   yet  seven,   naughty   boys   say    it   is  “cocker-roach poo” (sic) .     The    scallywags    dip    sticks   into   the   poo -  then  chase  screaming   girls    about    the   playground   with  them  ,  which    should  help combat  obesity.

AUSTRALIAN BUSINESSMEN IN KNEE TREMBLER OUTBREAK

The   reason   why  so  many  business  mugwumps    are   weak- kneed  is   because  they  have  not  stopped  hitting   the   expense   account  free   grog   since   the  Abbott   moonshiners  were  elected  to   office.  Staying   upright   is  therefore   difficult . Captains  of   commerce   know   that  the   Abbott   regime intends to    lash  the   daylights out  of   the  workforce  and  have  been  celebrating  ever   since.

Our   exclusive  photograph, above, shows  a  typical  Tory  businessman , weak  at  the  knees   after  a   six    month   long   bender ,  being  pushed    in  a  stretch  limo  wheelbarrow   by   an   underpaid   Irish   457 Visa  worker   to  the  rowdy ,  marathon   knees  up   at    the  Melbourne Club. 

The    government   recently   called  on   the   nation’s  businessmen  to  stop  being  weak –kneed  and   take  a  strong  stand   against    the workforce  .  This  action  would  let  overseas  investors  know  that    we are soon to  become    Australia  Felix –the  skinned  cat  continent    - open  for   business  as  a  brand  new ,  make- a - quick-buck ,  and  help  bugger   up  the  environment  in   the   process  ,  sweatshop.

Dame   Mabel  Tosspot,    wife  of   Liberal Party  patron ,  businessman   Sir  Toby  Tosspot ,  today  filed  for  divorce , claiming  her  husband  had   been  inebriated   ever   since  Tony  Abbott   won  the  election  last  September .  Each  night ,  she  claims , Sir  Toby   totters   through  the   door , falls   to   his   knees  like  Toulouse  Lautrec,   and   addresses   her   blotto  voce  , offering  here  a  fortune if  she  will  massage  his kneecaps   with   horse  liniment   to  ease  the  pain.  Instead,  she  horse whips  him, which  he seems to  enjoy, being a   kinky  beast .