GREAT (FLUFFY) EXPECTATIONS ON ELECTION DAY

 

 Little  Darwin  is  expecting  a   blessed  event   on  September  7.  According to  the  Queen of  the Jungle ,   one   or   both   of   these    curlew  eggs  could   hatch  on   that  very  day,  a  date with destiny  which   will see   egg  on   the  faces  of   many   high   flying  political   avians.  The   curlews   have   let   it  be  known  their  chicks  will  not   be  available  for   baby   kissing  photo  opportunities  by   pollies  or   any  painful  women’s   magazine   bub   exclusives .

THAR SHE BLOWS !... POOR LITTLE BLIGHTER

Frolicking  whale  calf   off   Magnetic  Island, North Queensland, which in its uncertain  lifetime  will  have to contend with grandiose  Queensland  port  expansion schemes , dredging,  spoil dumped  on   and near  the  Great  Barrier  Reef   Marine Park , toxic  run  off   from  mines  into  riverways   and  vast numbers  of  bulk carriers .  Currently  the   North  Queensland  Conservation  Council  has  mounted  a  campaign  to  stop Magnetic Island  turning  into  Mud  Island .  Earlier  this  year ,  there was   elation   when   whales  were  spotted  near  Darwin ;  there  was  talk of  a new  tourist industry-whale watching.  This  came to a sudden halt  when  a  dead baby whale , which  appeared to  have been  hit  by  a  ship , was  washed  up  on a  beach.

BISHOP'S LIGHT ON THE HILL THREATENS NUPTIAL HI-JINKS

 Spike , randy  Castle Hill echidna

There is growing alarm over the election promise by  Julie Bishop  to provide $650,000 to install lighting up the  road  to  Castle  Hill, which  has panoramic  views of  Townsville  city and the  sea .

Animal lovers  have  claimed bright lights  could lead to the extinction  of the rare  spiny anteaters  which  romp about on  the  rock at night. Also known as  echidnas , these vulnerable  creatures  are covered in many sharp spines , like darts, and have a  slender  snout .

 

 Somehow ,  they   mate   on   dark  nights ,  without  the  aid  of  a  torch.  Castle  Hill  is their  Lovers’ Lane .  Coming together in a  fond embrace  without impaling  each other  with their quills  is  as  delicate an operation as a shuttle  docking with  an orbiting space station.    According   to   Townsville's  best  known   frequent   echidna   hugger,    Nancy  Ouch ,  the  lovable , myopic monotremes   will  be  blinded   by  Bishop’s  floodlights    and will  do   each   other   an  injury  while  attempting  to  mate .    Many  of   the  critters,  Ouch  predicted ,  would also  fall  off   the  cliffs  and  roll  down   the   road  and   the  goat  track , the  latter  used  by   early   morning   fitness   tragics,  like   tumbling   tumbleweed .

Wearing  dark glasses  to  protect himself from the bright sun,  another  macho  echidna  , above , crawled out  from  his  dark  daytime  lair  to  inform a  Little  Darwin   roving  reporter, in no uncertain  terms , his   opposition  to  the  Bishop  plan .  He  urged  Ms  Bishop  to come up and see him  one  dark  night to experience  the  unique  echidna  way of   life which  she  is threatening . (Photos by Lady Jane ) 

QUEENSLAND BANANA BOAT SONG IN COALITION MARITIME FARCE

CANBERRA:  It has just been revealed  Queensland Premier, "Tin  Can  Canoe" Campbell Newman , inspired  the  Coalition's latest brilliant  plan to buy up all  the leaky boats in  the Indonesian   archipelago  to stop the flow  of refugees. Premier  Newman  said the  Queensland economy is  like  el sicko Spain . The Coalition's Dirty  Tricks  Department  thought this  a  wonderful appellation , which could be  used to rubbish the entire nation , despite the fact that Australia is the only OECD country not to sink like Titanic 11 due to the GFC, thanks to the ALP's  classic Keynesian  stimulation of  the  economy to  prevent  a  massive slump.

 

 A  Tory  Think  Tank   mugwump,  Ned   Nasty ,  pointed out  that  to   make  Australia   really  look  like  Spain, it  needed  an  armada  of  ships .   Hence   the   inspired   announcement  by   Tony Abbott   to  buy   750,000  leaky  Indonesian   bumboats.   Part of  this   huge  Spanish   Armada  will be   used  as  targets  for   joint   bombing  exercises  on  the  Great Barrier  Reef  ;  providing   boating  trips  on  Lake  Burley   Griffin ;   lashed   together  to   form  a  pontoon  from  Darwin  to   Mandorah , doing  away  with  the  need to  build  an  expensive   bridge ; cheap  accommodation for  underpaid  457 Visa  workers .   Treasury  has  estimated  the  cost  of  buying   all  the  Indonesian boats   will  be   many  times   greater  than   all  the   gold  the   Spanish  fleets  brought  home  after  Cortes  conquered  and  plundered  Mexico.

 

 

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Meanwhile , famous Spanish painter , Pablo Picasso, has  kindly  supplied  Little  Darwin  with  this  stunning  impression  of   the  Mad  Monk   fleshing  out  one  of  the  Coalition’s  policies.  Art  experts  will immediately   notice  the  painting   is  a  combination  of   Pablo’s  surrealism ,  Gravox   instant  gravy   and   worker   soup   kitchen   cubist   style , with  a  hidden  message  about the  Guernica like  fate likely to befall  the  nation.   

 

WARNED ABOUT THE NEWS -Continuing saga of NT Crusading Editor,"Big Jim" Bowditch

Photo by Kerry  Byrnes

Knowing that the  Northern Territory News  in Darwin was after a new managing editor,  ace  journalist Douglas  Lockwood  suggested Bowditch  for the  position  to  Bob Freeden , who at the time was  general manager of the  paper.   Freeden telephoned Don Whitington in Sydney and suggested  Jim’s appointment  because he was such a good news gatherer in Alice.

 

Apart from that , Freeden  had recently married  a Darwin Hospital nurse, Norma  Oakley ,  and wanted  to  go south .  His wife  had come  to  Darwin  from Adelaide  at the age of  19 . On arrival, she had been warned  about  mixing  with  journalists , said  to  be  “ drunken  barbarians”. 

  

 By Peter Simon

She   had  been on duty  in casualty  at  Darwin Hospital  when  prospector  Jack  Gardner , who later   made his  fortune in uranium,  was  brought in  by  police  for an   examination.  On that  occasion  he  had been  fairly  well dressed in  khaki , an unusual  condition for  the bushie .  She had cause to remember  Gardner  because he had a   geiger counter with  him .  As he had   been  moved  to  a  ward  for treatment,  he asked her to look after his  geiger counter.  This  she did .  Later on, he was discharged  and  retrieved   his    counter  which she had stored  in casualty.  As  Gardner had  claimed to be the composer of  poetry which he  described as , with a wink, “verses for nurses ”,  I asked Mrs Freeden   if  gummy  Gardner had made any  bedside  recitations for the  nursing staff.   She laughed , said no , and added  that   had  looked  very lean  and in need of  some “tlc”.

 

In his book , URANIUM HUNTERS , Ross  Annabell  wrote  that  Gardner, suffering from hookworm, dosed himself with  medicine  used to worm dogs.  A warning label on the bottle said it was not to be  taken by humans. After  taking  a  swig of  dog wormer , he  would follow it up with a glass of Epsom Salts which had a purging effect .

 

It  is evident from  an event  which transpired about  the end of  September l954  that  Bowditch  was  intent on moving to  Darwin  some time in the   near    future .  From  Darwin came  two jubilant  reporters  hopeful of  soon becoming   tycoons- Ross Annabell  and  the  ABC   Darwin  regional journalist , John Crew.  Crew was making  a  down the  track tour   and  Annabell  came along for  the ride.  Bowditch and Crew  frequently  spoke to  each other over the  telephone in connection with  news stories.

 

Crew was in the prospecting syndicate  with Annabell   and  on the way to Alice they called  on   mining  entrepreneur  Al McDonald, known as the Maori Mayor of Tennant Creek ,  to pick up  500 pounds ( l000 dollars)  from  him  for a  down  payment  on the  uranium  find,  Annamount , discovered by  Annabell .  McDonald , a boxer  in his earlier days , had struck it rich  on the  Tennant Creek goldfield .

The journalists  called  on  Bowditch   with  champagne  to  celebrate  their  good fortune.   Annabell  tried to talk   Bowditch out  of  taking on the editorship  of the NT News .  The  problems  of  dealing with Eric White and Associates  were  explained .  Despite having  warned  Jim against  taking the helm at the NT News ,  Annabell passed on information to Betty  about  how to obtain  furniture , which was in short supply in Darwin. He advised her  to  go along to house clearance  auctions  when people were selling up to go south.

 LOSS OF DIRECTION

On the way back to Darwin , Annabell and Crew  again called  into Tennant Creek  and picked up the  cheque from  McDonald . After  some celebratory  drinks  they  set off  for Darwin, convinced they  would soon  be  filthy rich . After driving for some time , they sheepishly   discovered they  had taken the wrong turn  and  were actually  heading   back  to  Alice-the opposite direction to Darwin

 

Just  before Christmas , Freeden  squeezed his  bulk into a  bullnose Morris  in Darwin  and , accompanied  by his wife ,  set off for Sydney to begin a new  life  with Eric White and Associates.  After  eight  free and easy  years in  Darwin , during which he  did not let the truth interfere with a good story , working for  the prominent  PR  firm would be something of a culture shock , but he would go on  to  become a highly successful businessman  with a Jaguar or two in the garage .

 

Freeden  eventually  set up his own PR firm , Freeden and Strachan ,  with clients  like  Coca Cola, Union Carbide, a Swiss watch company , and a Swedish  car  firm .  Freeden also  started a chain of business  newsletters and  a travel and  tourist industry trade newspaper,  Travel  Talk . Another  area in  which  Freeden was  at the forefront in Australia  was  dial-a-service. NEXT : The important  Sydney interview  about the  Darwin editorship.  

LONELY LITTLE CURLEW IN A SAD LOOKING PETUNIA PATCH

Vallis Photograph

FEVERISH PHILANDERER EXPOSED IN GHOSTS FROM ELECTIONS PAST,#5

Affectionate  note  in  Perils of  Pauline .

Feeling  crook,  hot and   bothered  ,  on  antibiotics  , I  was   confronted   by  my  wife , a  mad   gleam  in   her   eyes ,  brandishing   a   piece  of   paper.  Waving  it   under  my  nose, she  announced  she  had   proof   of   the “ other  woman .” What????    Shown  the “proof” ,  which  had  been  placed  in  the   letterbox,  it  read ,  in  red  ink :   MY  DARLING  PETIE, WITH  ALL  MY  LOVE .  FORGET  ME   NOT ,  PAULINE.   Flabbergasted ,  I  immediately  pleaded  not  guilty ,Your  Worship, and   that  I  would  vigorously   fight  the  charge  in   Las  Vegas.   Turning  the   incriminating  document  over ,  I   discovered  it  was   the above   how  to   vote card  for   ranga  Pauline Hanson.   Very   funny  ...  I   think I    know  the  culprit   who   pulled  this   stunt  and   will  retaliate  by   slipping  a  death   adder   in  his  letter  box.

 Another shock in this  domestic drama  was "Pauline's" affectionate  reference to me as  Petie , instead  of  Peter . A  Pommie  wheeler  dealer  in Adelaide   used to embarrass me in public  at  packed  auctions  by  calling  me "Petie" -not very  manly  sounding.  One  of the many strange and highly suspect stories  he told me  was that he owned  a property  in  the backblocks of  Queensland  on  which  there  was  a  colony of  Rhesus  monkeys. In no uncertain fashion, I told him to pull the  other leg .   

  

 As   the  evening  progressed,   much  jungle  juice  consumed ,  I  signed  a  contract   saying  that  I  would  pay  him  the  sum of  $500,000  (this  figure   recently  checked)  for  a   pair  of   breeding   monkeys  , right ,  which  I  would  capture   on   the   property ,  probably  using   bananas   to   entice  the   said  monks  into  a  cage .   It   did   not   matter   that  I  was  not sure  how  you  tell  the  sex  of   a  monkey . An   inducement  to   sign  such  a  mad  deal  may  have  been a   promise  to  throw  in  an   album of  rare  penny  black stamps  as  well...  ( This odd post  by a   shy co-respondent  only  prepared to be  known as   Peter  X , who  currently  looks   like   a  laboratory  monkey used  in anthrax  tests  and  clearly  way   past   his  use  by  date .)