COALITION CAMPAIGN HIT BY PAINFUL CODSWALLOP ON ROCKY ROAD

The Coalition’s Dirty Tricks Machine ground to a halt today when the ball bearings seized on Tony Abbott’s bicycle causing him to slam down on the cross bar and crush his gizonkas. The ABC’s Insiders TV show ran a photograph showing the Mad Monk grimacing as a heavy handed Liberal tried to reshape his vitals which, apart from being swollen to the size of the average 800 lb dining room gorilla , have an odious coating of Warringah sand , sunflower seed husks and a pecked piece of tasty cuttlefish bone.

An eyewitness to the tragic bicycle accident said Abbott screamed and called on his heroes and mentors, Archbishop Pell and B.A. Santamaria , to lay healing hands upon his crushed crown jewels .

A doctor told Little Darwin Abbott is obviously suffering from a double hernia and almost certainly has a badly torn inner tube . Singer sewing machine oil may also have leaked out of his sprocket into the gudgeon pin , causing him to backflip from time to time .

The doctor said the only known specialist in the Southern Hemisphere who can repair pulverised gizonkas overnight is a refugee on Christmas Island. If Mr Abbott wanted to get back on his bike and continue the election campaign, his handlers should immediately hire a Manly ferry and proceed at top speed for the island , making sure they dodge the alert navy patrol boats that operate out of Darwin .

VALE MONA DORA BYRNES ,O.A.M

Another great Centralian identity , Mona Byrnes , 86, will be buried in Alice Springs on August 4. Mona was active in many spheres-art, theatre, fund raising - and was a member of the NT Museums and Art Galleries Board . Over the years , this writer contacted Mona for information about Alice activities , past history , and its extraordinary residents .

During one conversation she told how artist , Sidney Nolan , early in his career, had given her a sombre looking painting which she had not liked . She had given it to airline operator , Eddie Connellan, to hang in his office . Years later , while preparing an art exhibition, she retrieved the painting and i t was stored in her house. A fire destroyed the painting . As this post is being written , I have before me a 1982 letter from Eddie Connellan in which he discussed author Xavier Herbert , his (Connellan's) wartime activities and lamented the fiery end of the Nolan painting, then worth a lot of money.

Sadly, when Little Darwin recently attempted to renew contact with Mona at the Old Timers residence in Alice, we were told that she was not in a position to respond. A funeral notice says , in lieu of flowers, memorial donations to Alzheimers Australia NT would be appreciated.

SINS AGAINST SYNTAX AND OTHER HANGING OFFENCES

There was a time way back in the annals of New Zealand journalism when two thirsty male reporters, with surnames which were also slang for female genitalia, launched an occasional publication which ran outrageous gossip. One scurrilous story said a Minister of the Crown could never be contacted at night in his hotel when on a tour of the provinces as he was pressing the flesh with a local female government employee .

As you would expect, this and other stories attracted letters of complaint and threats of legal action. The terrible two often responded to such letters by running them in full , highlighting poor spelling and grammar , and awarding marks, often than not on the low side, for composition.

Little Darwin was reminded of this Kiwi caper when looking at some official correspondence sent out by a controversial high flyer in which there were several obvious errors in one three paragraph letter relating to a serious Darwin matter .

As possibly two other highly paid people may have contributed to the composition of the short letter, each with the assistance of Spellcheck , you would have expected a bit more professionalism. If those nasty chaps in Aotearoha with the improbable names had seen the letter they would have had great fun. Just to show we are not pedantic hypocrites at Little Darwin, we admit to frequent clangers . At times we think we have written -The cat sat on the mat, but it has , annoyingly , come out : The coot sank in the moat . Bugger !

CHAPLAIN : PENALISED FOR ATTENDING MEMORIAL SERVICE ON DAY OF FUNERAL

Are the Howard Government days of overseas trained security guards in balaclavas with snarling rottweilers likely to return to the Australian waterfront if the Coalition wins the election? It would seem so going on the hardline action taken by a stevedoring giant against members of the Maritime Union who walked off the job and held nationwide memorial services to coincide with the funeral of a member, Stephen Piper, 41, father of two children , who was crushed to death at Melbourne’s Appleton Dock, on July 14. He was the third person killed on the waterfront in the past five months.

P & O Automotive and General Stevedoring (POAGS) , chairman of which is Chris Corrigan , former managing director of Patrick Corporation , issued please explain letters, with an implied punitive threat, to those who participated in the services. The letters, sent to MUA members throughout the nation , including here in Darwin , demanded a response within a short span of time.

NSW Premier Kristina Keneally attended one of the memorial services , also held in Melbourne, Brisbane, Fremantle,Adelaide, Hobart , Port Kembla,Townsville , Newcastle , Darwin and Devonport. It seems no member of the NT Government attended the memorial service held at Stokes Hill Wharf. In Tasmania , Chaplain John McMath , spoke out about the heartlessness of POAGS and the lack of feeling expressed by wanting to punish those who attended memorial services .

He pointed out that the nation had rightly honoured a soldier who had been killed in Afghan during July , his mates attending the funeral service . However, in the case of deceased waterfront worker , Stephen Piper, the comparison had been stark and confronting, his colleagues penalised for supporting the dead.


MUA national secretary, Paddy Crumlin, was reported as saying the walk off on the day of the memorial service was not a strike. He said there was a yawning gap and inadequacies in state and federal safety legislation covering the nation's wharves, especially in bulk and general operations, after years of neglect and deregulation under the Howard Government years. "We're not copping inaction," he said. "The industry's safety record is appalling. We need national legislation. We need regulation that establishes a robust compliance and enforcement regime, supported by guidance material covering the full range of stevedoring hazards. We need the Federal Government to intervene."

Since the previous two deaths, the union had held national stevedoring conferences of workers to examine the safety issues and lobbied the government for national regulations.

TIMOR LESTE BORDER CONCERNS

From a reliable source, Little Darwin recently received a tip that men in TNI uniforms had crossed into the Timor Leste enclave of Oe-Cusse and burnt down three buildings. The incident, we were told, had taken place about a month ago . Straddling the border between the Indonesian part of the island and Oe-Cusse is a manganese deposit which is being mined in a wildcat fashion . Today comes confirmation that there is indeed a potentially explosive situation in the area.

****** Naktuka residents call for increasing numbers of police*Suara Timor Loro Sa’e, July 27, 2010 .- Local residents of Naktuka border have called on the Government to increase numbers of the Timorese Border Police Unit (BPU), so that it could protect them in the border area, as they have many times been intimidated. During a meeting with the state secretary for defense and the F-FDTL chief of staffs , a local resident, Joaquim Ninas , called on the Government to recruit more police officers to increase number of security in the border area. Another resident, Joao Mauno ,who had been many times intimidated by TNI soldiers called on the Government to set up security post in that area, so that they could remain calm.

Furthermore, here is a television report about the episode which is an issue causing growing concern in Darwin's large Timorese community and has not been reported in the Northern Territory.

*Naktuka residents call on F-FDTL soldiers’ deployment* Televizaun Timor-Leste, July 27, 2010 . -Following the recent threat by the Indonesia’s TNI soldiers, Naktuka local residents have called on the Government to deploy the Timorese Defense Force (F-FDTL) soldiers to provide them security in the border. The local residents made the call after meeting with State Secretary for Defense, Julio Thomas Pinto , and the F-FDTL Chief of Staff, Brigadier General Lere Anan Timur, in the area. State Secretary, Pinto said the Government had made policy on the deployment of the F-FDTL in Naktuka border, yet would take a longer time, as it would be discussed at the Council of Ministers’ meeting. Pinto stressed that the deployment of the defense soldiers would be in Oe-Cusse, not in Naktuka. Pinto called on Indonesia’s TNI soldiers not to make trouble in the border, as the border demarcation issue ought to be resolved amicably. F-FDTL’s Lere also called on the Nakatuka local residents to keep building good relationships with the local residents of the neighbouring country, because the border issue was the resonsibility of the two country’s governments to resolve.

Another report which highlights the seriousness of the situation is as follows :

*Nakatuka case, Horta blames Govt and condemns TNI* Diario Nacional, July 27, 2010 . President Jose Ramos Horta has blamed the Timorese Government, mainly the Ministry of Social Solidarity and Ministry of Agriculture, as they constructed infrastructure in the area which is still under dispute. Horta said the Timorese Government had made fault, yet Indonesia’s TNI soldiers should not use force in the border. “If there is any problem we can talk to each other, the armed force should not enter the country, no reason for this. Although Timor- Leste is guilty, as any ministry does not coordinate with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Cooperation, yet is not reasonable the TNI uses force to destroy these houses. This should be about state relations, diplomacy ,not doing this,” Horta said. Horta also condemned the TNI soldiers that had used force to destroy social houses constructed [recently made the Government] in Naktuka area. Meanwhile, State Secretary for Defense, Julio Thomas, has called on the Indonesia authorities to investigate the TNI soldiers who had created a problem in the border.

THREE MEN IN A (LEAKY) BOAT

A veteran activist who often made the headlines in Darwin has driven into town pulling a Caribbean pirate’s ship disguised as an innocent fishing smack with more stickers on the hull for worthy causes and appeals for justice than barnacles on the Queen Mary. The skipper is Dr John Tomlinson, former Senior Lecturer-Social Policy, School of Humanities and Human Services, Queensland University of Technology . On arrival back in his old hunting ground, he promptly fired a broadside , via a letter to the NT News editor, at the “ rich and powerful ” over the pollution of NT waterways and plans for development of Darwin Harbour which includes blasting the bottom three times a day for 14 months to clear the way for super tankers.

From Brazil to Bobonaro , Borroloola , Bagot , Berrimah , the bush and beyond , Dr Tomlinson has campaigned long and hard for oppressed people and against the entrenched arrogance and blindness of institutions, governments, politicians and big business . Many of his Territory campaigns were carried out in company with another well known Darwin activist , Rob Wesley-Smith.

In fact , the two were arrested by Customs when attempting to run medical supplies by boat to East Timor. Another amazing episode - their move to set up the NT Council of Civil Liberties – so upset the police that the gendarmes stacked the first meeting , elected most of the interim office bearers , and thought they had stymied those annoying twosome. What transpired is now unclear because of the passage of time and varying recollections. However, along came Cyclone Tracy, and in the chaos which ensued , a strategic advert appeared saying there would be another meeting of the NT Council of Civil Liberties in Brown’s Mart , which went unnoticed by the police. Not so John and Wes , who forced entry to the building with supporters and voted in a new committee . The present NT Administrator was somehow involved in the amusing caper .


The man-o-war which Dr Tomlinson brought to Darwin is currently careened in the leafy Wesley-Smith rural estate , waiting for the wind to drop to enable a fishing trip to the Peron Islands.

This one-eyed writer had the pleasure of a salty session with Dr Tomlinson and the recently doctored Wesley-Smith during which an inspection was made of the doc’s vessel,called the White Knight , which conjures up the image of a dashing crusader who , with a theatrical flourish, gallantly picks up a damsel’s stray garter from the cobblestones .

Alas and alack , there is no such honourable story behind the boat’s entry in Lloyd’s Registry of Shipping. Originally , the boat was merely painted white . Dr Tomlinson’s previous boat bore the unusual name, Yellow Peril , because it was painted in that hue. A military alert went out each time he returned from a Top End fishing trip and over the radio announced , “ This is Yellow Peril about to enter Darwin Harbour. ”

A feminist , who obviously delights in cutting sea-going males down to size, suggests the current vessel name is too chauvinist . As John tows the White Knight with a Toyota Troop Carrier , she maintains she should be entitled to announce , “Here comes Droopy , driving his Troopie , dragging his White Nighty.”

* Part 2 of this sea shanty shall appear before the doldrums arrive and residents begin voluntarily walking the plank. It will include details of Dr Tomlinson’s paper recently delivered to an international organisation in Brazil to advance the living conditions of a large part of the world , Darwin newspaper anecdotes , assorted Wesley-Smith inventions and the story behind the hat with a hole in the crown.

CARTOONIST PREDICTS FUTURE

The many skills of artist Royle Salt were praised when we unveiled Little Darwin's new home page with the above striking drawing of our editorial luminaries. At the time of launching the blog front we did not realise that Salt can also predict the future . We wondered why he included candles in the cartoon , now we know - he could see the Casuarina substation Roman candle exploding during the election debate . We are negotiating a table for the artist at the Nightcliff Sunday market so that he can corner the fortune telling market and we will only deduct 25 per cent commission .