CRIME AND MISCONDUCT WARNING

At this stage in its development, does the NT need the equivalent of an independent Crime and Misconduct Commission to fight corruption and uphold integrity in government and politics ? In the view of some business people , it does. They cite several instances , past and present, which they claim are similar to matters under close scrutiny in other parts of the country. Three states -Queensland, NSW and Western Australia -have independent crime, misconduct and corruption commissions.

One Darwin businessman with overseas experience said he is delighted to see that the Federal Government is now closely monitoring the way Commonwealth money is being spent and allocated in the Territory. He went so far as to allege that certain individuals and groups had “obviously” been “ ripping off” the system for years . (Little Darwin wishes to make it clear that it does not infer in any way or manner that any particular person , company , or group , past or present , has , or is now engaged in any illegality , or improper or corrupt actions. ) . He continued by saying he did not think the Ombudsman , Auditor –General and police had sufficient powers to handle any investigations into alleged corruption.


Over the Christmas break an excellent ABC Background Briefing report covered the concern about corruption which , in all its forms, has been blamed for the present global economic crisis. The World Bank has gone so far as to say corruption is at the heart of most of the planet’s economic and social troubles. Corrupt officials are said to pocket one trillion dollars – one million million - in bribes .

Presented by Ian Townsend , the Background Briefing report began by stating that recently 160 public servants and government contractors were called to a breakfast meeting in a plush Brisbane hotel to learn the meaning of ethics and integrity.

Townsend said the meeting was part of a flurry of activity , sparked by a string of scandals,especially the jailing in the past two years of two former Queensland Cabinet ministers. Former Tourism Minister Merri Rose was imprisoned for trying to blackmail the then Premier, Peter Beattie, and former Health Minister, Gordon Nuttall, was jailed on 36 counts of corruptly receiving secret commissions. Other matters of concern were 25 police implicated in exchanging cash and favours with prisoners and deep concern about former politicians being paid huge sums for helping businesses win government contracts.

Former special prosecutor , Doug Drummond QC, told the breakfast gathering that the Queensland government faced a crisis of public confidence. Despite the elaborate framework set up as a result of the Fitzgerald inquiry more than a decade ago, there was a perception that things had run off the rails . There was a feeling that ethical standards had slipped, not just in the Sunshine State, but everywhere. Brisbane based ethics consultant Howard Whitton who gives talks about corruption to the United Nations and others was quoted as saying middle level public servants were deeply ignorant of the proper role in relationship between public servants and ministers , and had no conception of how they should respond to improper requests from a minister or staffer, for example, for information or to do something .

At Brisbane's Griffith University two months ago, on the 20th anniversary of the Fitzgerald Report into Queensland corruption , Tony Fitzgerald QC launched a scathing attack on the Queensland government for letting things slide too far. Fitzgerald said secrecy was established by sham claims that voluminous documents were Cabinet-in-confidence. Access could now be purchased, patronage was dispensed, mates and supporters were appointed, and retired politicians exploited their connections to obtain success fees for deals between business and government. He went on to say neither side of politics was interested in these issues except the short-term political advantage as each enjoyed or plotted impatiently for its turn at the privileges and opportunities which accompany power >>>

CROWE SIGNS GLADIATOR WHO COMMITTED CARDINAL SIN

VATICAN CITY : It has just been confirmed that Aussie film star , Russell Crowe, has signed up the woman who crash -tackled the Pope to play for his rugby league team -the Rabbitohs- this coming season.

In an exclusive interview with Little Darwin, Crowe said any woman who can dodge the 50 strong personal bodyguard of Pope Benedict , the Vatican’s Swiss guards armed with pikes and the entire Italian Navy would be a star on the footy field . He equated the woman, Susanna Maoilo,25, as being equal to six Willie Masons and an Abrams tank .

Last season, he admitted, the Rabbitohs had been disappointing, playing as if stricken by myxomatosis , swine flu and the potent calisi virus. Several highly paid members of the side had also disgraced themselves in public by dribbling down their bibs onto their Armani suits. It is little known that during the footy season Crowe was so annoyed by his team that he frequently ripped telephones from the wall in the dressing room after losing matches . Telstra complained that it was costing more than Sol Trujillo’s golden handshake to repair phones in the Rabbitohs' warren.

SAINT REVEALS BEAUTY SECRETS: EXCLUSIVE BENEDICTION FOR DARWIN

HOLLYWOOD : We can reveal that Australia’s first saint, Mother Mary MacKillop, has a great sense of humour and as a result she has graciously agreed to provide us with secret beauty tips picked up during her lengthy process of BEATIFICATION, wrongly called BEAUTIFICATION by bumbling Aussie TV reporters and newsreaders. See previous Little Darwin scoop - NIP & TUCK FOR OUR SAINTED AUNT.

Her wise and helpful words are designed not only to turn modern young women into stunning beauties like Venus de Milo and Vegemite, but how to grab 15 minutes of fame in a world still dominated by geriatric male clergy prancing about in gold lame vestments. Mother Mary broke off from her busy round of signing lucrative endorsement contracts with leading cosmetic firms and fashion houses to speak to Little Darwin.

“God be with you, my favourite , blessed bloggers ,” the kind lady said when she graced us with her miraculous presence , daintily dabbing behind her ears some of Saint Mary’s soon to be released parfum de cloisters .

She said girls wanting to cure teenage acne and prevent the attention of penniless Catholic boyfriends should apply soon to be launched , Saint Mary’s Miraculous Mud Packs , made from Adelaide’s smelly Torrens River sediment , Popeye Poop, and boiled down scraps from the City of Churches odorous pie floaters.

There are unconfirmed reports that the Gillette razor company is keen to sign up Mother Mary for a zillion bucks as their star salesman had a moving experience with a pet varmint called Monica in a caddy shack and now wears a false Santa beard and dark glasses while driving about in a damaged go-cart.

RATTY OUTLOOK FOR TERRITORY

While 2010 is the Year of the Tiger in the Chinese zodiac, further sovereign debt alarums like Dubai, the growing Afghanistan quagmire and any wilting of the green shoots of economic recovery in America could turn it into a real rat of a year . Therefore Little Darwin’s resident soothsayer has gazed into the entrails of a Palmerston Dump squashed rodent and come up with astonishing predictions for the NT.


On the political front, he sees further ructions, resignations and retirements, with one or two independents emerging from the raving ruck. Mysterious ,unsigned stickers stating I LOVE CHRIS will appear in Mindil Beach long grass dunnies. A minister will attend Alliance Francais classes so that his on camera and voice comments can be understood by the long suffering public who fear they are going deaf or,worse still, have to buy a new TV because the sound has gone on the blink.

At long last, several King Rats , incompetently running major community services, will take a bait and disappear from the scrumptious sewer scene. On the wink wink,nudge nudge front, some prominent participants will develop conjunctivitis and need police and lawyers to help them cross the road on the way to court.

There are surprising predictions for the media. A new dynamic online publication will hit cyberspace and rattle the media laboratory treadmill . Several prominent media people will either leave the Territory voluntarily or be chased by men in white coats and lodged in a padded cell . The Northern Territory’s most respected newspaper, the Cullen Bay Cock Up, edited by Walkley Award winning journo, Rank Distorter , currently undergoing treatment in the Betty Ford Clinic in the US of A , will be bought by Rupert Murdoch,resulting in a new conservative broadsheet, The Northern Territory Cock Up .

As a result of the popularity of the Xmas ice skating rink in Alice Springs, the annual Henley- On - Todd Regatta will be abandoned in favour of the exhilarating sport of Olympic snow sled racing . In a radical change to the other great Alice event, the Camel Cup, all participating animals will be shot once they cross the finish line and turned into freebie hamburgers, with French fries, to prevent them from reducing Uluru to cracker dust and spitting at tourists.

Somehow, our impressive soothsayer is able to predict that Little Darwin staff will be bombarded with el cheapo Viagra deals , which we presume are package offers for a holiday resort near romantic Niagra Falls.

SPOOKY FOOTNOTE: Since the above exclusive was posted we have received many amazingly cheap offers- up to 80 percent off - for holidays in beautiful Viagra , which makes us feel the other predictions will come to pass .

NIP & TUCK FOR OUR SAINTED AUNT

VATICAN : According to the Holy See Press Office , Mother Mary MacKillop will undergo cosmetic surgery before she is canonised as Australia’s first saint. This is because many jug-eared TV journalists and newsreaders have had difficulty understanding the process of BEATIFICATION of the feisty nun . As a result, they repeatedly wrongly referred to the BEAUTIFICATION of Mary MacKillop.

Celebrity obsessed members of the population therefore think Mother Mary is undergoing a nip and tuck and will wear a snazzy designer label wimple when paraded before the applauding nation . Already trashy celebrity and gossip magazines are running cover stories billing our saint as a thoroughly modern Millie . And a DVD will be released next month in which a person wearing a mini shirt , claiming to be Kylie MacKillop , will lip-synch the hottest 10 psalms in an absolutely heavenly national concert tour like that of Britney Spears, with a supporting cast of gyrating and genuflecting South Australian flying nuns.

NT YULETIDE MESSAGE GIVES OFFENCE

Anger has been expressed over what at first seems to be a seemingly harmless email featuring views of Christmas trees around the world . There are magnificent views of Christmas trees in the White House , Tokyo, Italy, Moscow , Lisbon , Paris, Czechoslovakia , London, etc. The cause of the anger are two shots added to the sideshow of an Indigenous Christmas tree in Central Australia decorated with wine cask bladders and packaging, with empty beer cans and bottles scattered round about. It seems the email was posted by people in a government agency who should have been more sensitive

BANRATTY CASTLE AND DESTRUCTION OF THE NT NEWS ; DREAM RACEHORSE TIP .

It used to be said that today’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chips wrapper . This was an abject lesson to newspaper journalists who thought themselves bigshots. No longer is yesterday’s news used to wrap the fishmonger’s delightfully smelling goods that cause twitching of the nostrils and salivation . The sad , but inevitable, fact is that online publications and other platforms are reducing the need for newsprint, in the process threatening the very existence of traditional newspapers as the advertising lifeblood retreats.

Recently Little Darwin was told how the old “tin bank ” site of the Northern Territory News , in Smith Street, near Christ Church Cathedral, came crashing down. It took place the day Banratty Castle won the Caulfield Cup , according to a man who helped level the building . ( A quick Google search turned up the year , 1968 , the year after the NT News moved to a new one -storey building in Mitchell Street, handy to the Hot and Cold Bar of the Hotel Darwin .)

Interestingly, much of the roofing iron from the pre-fabricated building and other bits and pieces went to the horse stables of police horseman , Bill Jacobs, at the 13 mile. From a place producing crusading fish and chip wrappers to a venue turning out manure-good for the garden.

The large amount of lead in the roof found a ready scrapmetal market. Much interest was shown in the slate in the steps and along the front of the verandah . A large part of the building was constructed out of angle iron . Impurities in the iron caused much splattering when hit by the oxy-acetylene torch. Workman carrying out the demolition stopped to listen to the running of the Caulfield Cup . A usually happy gent listening to the story about the demise of the building, slapped his forehead and groaned on hearing mention of it having taken place the day Banratty Castle took out the Caulfield Cup.

It seems his wife had a dream in which a castle had figured, and she asked him if it was an omen for the Caulfield Cup. Scoffing at the suggestion, he looked at the field , elimated Banratty Castle, and saw a nag called something like Palatial Place , which he felt was the way to describe a castle. He lost his dough, and his wife repeatedly told him he should have followed her dream .

Darwin not only lost the tin bank ; for some unforgiveable reason, the old photographic files at Smith Street were taken to the tip. Photographer Joe Karlhuber , who set up and operated the first darkroom at the News , working under difficult and primitive conditions, lamented this tragic act,probably up until the day he died.

During the demolition , what was thought to have been the old bank vault, covered over by timber, was found in the floor of the building . It could have been, but when Rupert Murdoch bought the News in the 1960s a secondhand rotary press was sent up from south and installed. From memory, it had a large pit underneath for service and inspection, which could give the impression of a vault .