WALLACE AND GROMIT ON WILD AND WOOLLY AUSTRALIAN ELECTION TRAIL

 Encounter  Killer Crocs , Political  Crocks ,  Pea / Pee  Shooters , an Evil Rabbit , the Case of  the Wrong Trousers   and   Lamb  Chops   in   Bananaland  

A  recent  meeting of  the Magnetic Island Ratepayers and Residents'  Association in the RSL , attended by two contestants  for the seat  of Herbert,  turned  into  an entertaining shearing  shed  farce . Naturally, the  mainland  media was not  in  attendance, its  coverage of Townsville's Jewel in the Crown  feeble, to say the least , so  missed out  on yet another ripping  yarn , with  a  side serving  of  curried  dim sims . 

The  would be  pollies  were  ALP candidate John Ring , a fire fighter and ex -Serviceman , 14 years in the RAAF,  and the Katter's Australian Party  entrant ,  Clynton Hawks, 22, employed in his father's transport  business, said to  have changed flat tyres  on  trucks in 40 degrees ( centigrade ) in  the  flamin'  outback  Northern Territory .

During the meeting, Hawks  repeatedly asked the gathering what "yous" - the voters - wanted  . This misuse of the Queen's English caused  one  irritated  person to respond with  a  ewe  bleat, " Baa !"   Four  times  at  least ,like something out of a Wallace  and Gromit   farmyard   misadventure .

Here a sheep, there a sheep , another sheep .    

Hawks  probably went back to the mainland puzzled by  the  mob of   stray sheep  in  the RSL . Or, in the words of  a popular advertisement , he may have interpreted it as meaning  the populace want a regular  roast  lamb  rort  from Canberra?    

Some people attending the meeting wondered  why the  Katter Party  was  interested  in   the  island . Hawks has made it known that he is concerned about the Chinese encroachment  on  Australia , but Magnetic  Island  would welcome a Chinese  restaurant  , without one since Albi's (does not  sound Cantonese )  closed  ages  ago.  

It was pointed out that while the trigger-happy  Katter Party  founder  , Bob the Elder , claimed crocodiles were devouring   one of his constituents   every few  weeks  , which failed the  ABC Fact Check, nobody  had  been  munched  by  a  crocodile on  Magnetic Island in  living history .

Katter's obsession with saurians resulted in the  above  odd  illustration of  him apparently  performing  the Canadian Three Step with  a croc . He   even  endangered  his  vitals  when he slid across the  top of   a  sleepy  crocodile  at  the Cairns  Casino  zoo for  yet another of  his  media  photo  stunts. 

At the time , a Darwin crocodile farm owner said  any pollie silly enough to  slide over  a Top End  croc  would end up in the Luton Girls' Choir .

When ScoMo   slipped  into Townsville  recently on the election trail  , uttering the miraculous incantation , Abracadabara!,  he announced  a megabucks dam project. Katter screamed as if he had been grabbed by  a  croc  on his gouty foot , implied he had been duchessed by  the  PM  in  respect  of  the  project, even had the wool pulled over his peepers . 

Not  present at  the island meeting in the RSL   was  the  Herbert   LNP encumbent ,Phillip Thompson ,OAM ,  who asked a number of  Dorothy Dix questions  in the  last days of  parliament.   He  also  subsequently appeared  in a Townsville Bulletin  cameo inset  photo  almost under the  armpit of skinhead Defence Minister Peter Dutton in Townsville. ScoMo  also gave  him  a  hearty  handshake  and  a  pat on  the  back, which is worrying-ask Malcolm Turnbull  .