HERCULE POIROT ON SECRET MISSION

CANBERRRA:  We can  exclusively reveal  that  actor  David  Suchet   is   really here  on a top  secret assignment -  as a consultant  for a proposed   Australian version of  the   hilarious  BBC TV series  Blott On  The  Landscape.

In the  British smash hit  , based on the 1975 novel by Tom Sharpe ,  Suchet   played  the  part  of   Blott ,  a  former  German prisoner of  war  gardener , who  helps   bossomy  Lady  Maud  Lynchwood  save  her  ancestral  mansion  being  destroyed  to  make way for  a  motorway, an  act   secretly  supported by her  unfaithful , money- hungry husband,  Sir  Giles  Lynchwood,  a  dodgy politician, played  by that arch villain , Arthur Daley (George Cole ).

Suchet  reluctantly  admitted he was  approached by a group of investors ,one thought to be Phillip Adams of the ABC, to act as a  talent scout for the Aussie  series ,  called  Blotto  On  the  Australian Landscape.  With  Coalition  governments  promising to build  more infrastructure roads in  Australia   than  the  Holy  Roman  Empire , it is thought now is  an ideal time for the Aussie remake.

Furthermore, it has been suggested  past and present  politicians  should be  considered   for   parts   in  the series. The  casting  couch  could  be  occupied  by a  host of  would be  starlets   wanting  to  play the   Australian equivalent part  of  frowsy   Mrs  Forthby , who  panders to  Sir  Giles’s  odd fetish , at  times  greeting  him at  her home   dressed up as  the Naughty Catheter  Nurse  or  a  schoolgirl, even gagging and tying  him  to  the bed   .  Suchet  said  Mrs  Forthby  is a kind of  Madam Lash  personality . Did  Little Darwin , he asked, know anyone who  fits  this  description  in  the  political   world   ? Do  we  ever !!!!

The actor, made famous by the  Agatha Christie  series , said he  found  comments by the  Federal minister for rustic ventures  , Barnaby Joyce, above , most interesting during the recent ABC   Q and A session .  Fascinating was  the  fact that  the  minister plays with  a  killer  tick.

“I am sure Agatha Christie could  have  written  a  play  around such  a  murderous  insect , if  she had known   that  it existed,” he  added .   At the end of  Q and A , Barnaby pulled  the  pet  tick from  his pocket  and  showed it to  Suchet, who fell to  the  floor with  fright and lay there like a corpse until revived with smelling salts by  the ABC soon to be sacked chief tea lady and head of  program planning  , Miss  Marple .