COSMIC EXCLUSIVE : DONALD TRUMP , JOE BIDEN BOTH OUT OF PRESIDENTIAL RACE !!!

WASHINGTON : It can be   revealed  that   President   Joe Biden    and    Donald   Trump   will  not  run  in the   mad , mad  election campaign - much  to  the  relief  of  God   Almighty .

President  Biden  has secretly agreed   to  take up  the star  part of a  confused   Santa  Claus   in  an  hilarious   new  Kiwi  Christmas  movie  to  be  filmed  on  New Zealand's  oyster  encrusted  Stuart  Island , where it is understood he will also undergo an extensive course of crustacean injections to  improve  his  stamina  and staying  power on  his  Knucklehead   Harley   Davidson. 

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Stumbling  Biden rehearsing Santa with a  star spangled cricket  ball .

Convicted  felon Donald   Trump  decided to  withdraw from the  election  after he  was offered  the lucrative  part of  a  beach inspector  in   a new  Down Under  television   series   of  Bondi Rescue . In  it  he will be in charge of  checking  the   modesty  of   bikinis  worn  by  beach  babes .

The  Russian Buggerup  America  Bureau is about to post the  above  repulsive  scoop  photograph of  Trump's  naked body  , sans the daily  44 gallon drum of imitation suntan spray,  the  scars from  at least  57 cosmetic surgery operations  clearly visible , minus  his  latest made in  China  wig , which  shows  him  about  to slip  into  a  neck  to   ankle  fake Mr Universe  blow  up   bathing  suit   on  the   Bondi  Rescue  film  set  . 

(Spoof,Trump, Bondi).