Jostled by sinful people caught up in the madness of the Melbourne Cup frivolity , this Little Darwin correspondent was given divine tips for the Eternity Stakes as he wandered about the Brisbane CBD looking for gluttonous , earthly delights such as Nordic yoghurt , gelati , wonton soup and a real hamburger. Recognised as either a sinner or a mug-punter , perhaps both , I was given a pamphlet which could save me from ending up in the devil's knackery .
It contained a list of horses scratched from "God's compulsory race " where you bet your soul every second of the day. This sounded more exciting than that Flemington extravaganza which supposedly stops the nation for a short time once a year. It contained the form guide of the six nags in the race with names that sounded like good advice for leading a wholesome, Christian life- Do Your Best , Do Good Works ,Go To Church ,Confess Your Sins, etc- but in reality contain terrible flaws which can result in being flung into fire and brimstone territory .
Even failing to keep one of the 10 commandments could result in a "racegoer" being" guilty of all", it warned . After watching the Melbourne Cup on a screen in the Queen Street Mall, this shirtless punter has returned to hot and sweaty Darwin to prepare for the afterlife.