One of the longtime tourist attractions of Magnetic Island , the Horseshoe Bay Ranch , which provides horse rides through bushland down to the beach where you could ride bareback through the sea , has closed down . The horses have been barged to the mainland along with their owners to take up residence out west . Here is a news tip for mainland media-there is an interesting follow up story which might go viral .
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
HOW TO PREVENT YOU AND YOUR LAWYER BARKING AT THE MOON
Locked up for months with Miss Jones
To help maintain the sanity of the nation during the lockdown , we recommend this rare circa 1899 volume packed with card games be purchased and avidly read by inmates to pass the time and ease the stress of being confined to barracks .
The book and the personal story of the author , Miss Mary Whitmore Jones , we guarantee, will keep you enthralled over the coming months. It seems Miss Jones was exceedingly patient , mister right not coming her way , resulting in her being unmarried . While waiting for Sir Galahad to ride up , she played patience , wrote a book on the subject and invented a card playing table seen here.
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Upon the death in l874 of her brother, Willie, described as a tearaway who was always in debt , easily bored , she, pictured, aged 51, became the first female heir of the family estate, Chastleton House , an historic pile in Oxfordshire, a lavishly built example of Jacobean architecture in 1607-1612 for Walter Jones , puzzlingly said to be a lawyer and also a prosperous wool merchant , impoverished after the Civil War .
The original estate had been bought in 1602 from Robert Catesby who had been involved in the plot with Guy Fawkes and others to blow up parliament, about which she wrote a book . It also had links with the Jacobite Rebellion and Bonnie Prince Charles and remained in the same family for 400 years .
Mary had nursed Willie , who suffered from fever picked up in an inglorious career in the army, having served in Gibraltar and Bermuda ; he bought his way out of military service before the Crimean War which began in 1853 .
Mary had nursed Willie , who suffered from fever picked up in an inglorious career in the army, having served in Gibraltar and Bermuda ; he bought his way out of military service before the Crimean War which began in 1853 .
Another brother , Walter , around at the time Willie was in command of the estate, also rather stroppy and strong willed, is credited with having codified the rules of croquet. He set up croquet field on the lawn at Chastleton . Without a doubt, he influenced Mary's interest in games of all kinds, including those of patience .
After failing at Oxford, he got a position in the War Office , which he left with the aim of making money through inventions and board games .
One game, Frogs and Toads , met with some success , but The Game of War , played like chess, lost money . He invented a bootlace winder and a railway carriage sign , both patented in 1864. Two volumes of poetry did not sell like hot cakes . He died of throat cancer at the age of 41.
In l991 Chastleton House was taken over by the National Trust and underwent six years of restoration . Open to the public , until a little over a week ago when it, the gardens, parks, bat colony , cafes and shops were shut down to limit the spread of coronavirus , its many treasures include the Juxon Bible thought to have been used to read the last rites to King Charles l at his execution ; the very card table invented by Mary Whitmore Jones ; Jacobian glass ; a portrait of Rudyard Kipling . Naturally, packs of cards were offered for sale in the shops .
A diary recorded that in 1837 one of the Jones family, interested in politics and antiquarian books, had jumped on a horse and ridden to a sale at Broughton Castle where he bought a fine piece of tapestry and three lots of old armour for a mere ten pound .
Our nibbled, worn and faded copy of the book , purchased through Pelican Rare Books at some stage , picked up on Magnetic Island , North Queensland .
After running Chastleton House for several years, Mary passed management of the estate to nephew Thomas Whitmore Harris who had married a first cousin , Irene Dickins . Thomas changed his name to Whitmore Jones, the Whitmore part derived from Sir William Whitmore . Mary eventually moved out and became a boarder at the Chastleton Rectory .
At some stage she wrote the popular, illustrated book , the introduction declaring that nobody should despise the game of Patience . Many over -worked brains, lonely hearts , and those with pain racked nerves could testify to the benefits . Those who knew the benefits of card playing included ladies living alone , hard working professional men , doctors who pointed out it was a remedy against insomnia .
For example, the antidote for lousy Pommie weather at the seaside , empty beaches , with leaden sea and leaden sky , monotonous drip of rain , the newspaper read through and through , even the advertisements, the small stock of ancient books at the library exhausted, and nothing to be done between meal times but to yawn-cards- which could be obtain anywhere .
The unhappy victim of ennui was advised to buy two packs of cards and play Patience , perhaps Sir Tommy Patience, said to be first one invented . The long list of Patience games included American Toad, Blonde and Brunette, Chastleton , Conjugal, Dictator, Dog, Double Pyramid, Hammer of Thor , Marriage, Metternich , Muggins , New York , Pirate, Russian, St. Helena, Spanish, Wheel-of-Fortune .
One game which will appeal to those in home isolation , growing extensive facial hair and long fingernails , pointed teeth like the Wolf Man , will surely be Waning Moon . Persons keen to split hairs, argue the toss and quote dubious laws, will find Q.C. Patience appealing . Miss Jones explained it was the favourite of an eminent barrister who could not make up his rubber at whist so went for this intricate, difficult game which is like one named Backbone .
It seems Thomas and his wife tried hard to keep the crumbling estate going . He worked on the Long Gallery ceiling which had been neglected for more than a century and carried out other work . They moved out eventually into the nearby village and the house was rented out .
In l991 Chastleton House was taken over by the National Trust and underwent six years of restoration . Open to the public , until a little over a week ago when it, the gardens, parks, bat colony , cafes and shops were shut down to limit the spread of coronavirus , its many treasures include the Juxon Bible thought to have been used to read the last rites to King Charles l at his execution ; the very card table invented by Mary Whitmore Jones ; Jacobian glass ; a portrait of Rudyard Kipling . Naturally, packs of cards were offered for sale in the shops .
A diary recorded that in 1837 one of the Jones family, interested in politics and antiquarian books, had jumped on a horse and ridden to a sale at Broughton Castle where he bought a fine piece of tapestry and three lots of old armour for a mere ten pound .
Our nibbled, worn and faded copy of the book , purchased through Pelican Rare Books at some stage , picked up on Magnetic Island , North Queensland .
Monday, March 30, 2020
APOLOGIES TO ALBERT EINSTEIN AND READERS IN CYBERSPACE
Due to maddening computer related problems we were unable to correct the incorrect spelling of the Nobel prize winner in the spoof about raving nincompoop US President Donald Trump undergoing a much needed brain transplant . We are also having difficulties posting a bank of articles ready to go for your edification , entertainment and puzzlement.
SECOND WORLD WAR NAVAL SECRETS AND SALVOES
Shipping Reporter's mammoth task
As our waterfront roundsman is confined to his sloop , unable to disport himself in Molly Malone's Irish Pub because of the pandemic , he is attempting to get his nautical library shipshape , in Bristol fashion .
First volumes pulled out, dusted off and extensively perused were the official Australian Navy books published during WWll under the title H.M.A.S., the first and last editions displayed below .
Much to his delight , he discovered that a Miss Una Woods , of the Naval Historical Record Section , had been intimately involved in production of all the four books in the series , each with a specially designed dustjacket , filled with many and varied stories , illustrations , photos and jokes .
Darwin items in the first volume , published by the Australia War Memorial ,Canberra, l942, particularly attracted the reporter's attention , especially where it described the sinking of the destroyer USS Peary , all guns blazing, with the loss of 80 lives . This accorded with the eye witness account recently run in this blog by the late Les Penhall of the bombing of Darwin by the Japanese on February 19, l942.
One of the vessels attacked during that raid , despite displaying the Red Cross sign , was the hospital ship Manunda (9115 tons ) , above , resulting in the death of 12 and wounding of 58. A former passenger ship ,it was able to head south , and was drawn by Frank Norton , official Royal Australian Navy and RAAF artist , a marine painter , teacher and gallery director.
Near the back of the book was the above illustrated yarn about a boozy rooster, named Rupert, who entertained a Darwin naval establishment . He strutted up and down the canteen counter taking a sip out of "every pot " in sight . One morning , after a heavy night of drinking, bleary-eyed Rupert snuck up on a cat drinking from a saucer of milk and bit it on the tail , causing it to screech and " hit the horizon", never to return . The story went on to say there was a rumour that Rupert and a Jap bomb arrived at the same spot .
UPCOMING : More rum stories from the books involving Darwin and other ports of call , including an extensive list of secret wartime identities .
Sunday, March 29, 2020
OLD DETROIT UNEARTHED AGAIN
During excavation of a hundred year old post office yard at Saddleworth , near the wine growing Clare Valley , South Australia , decades ago, a variety of interesting items were found , including a smashed up dinner set circa l880s bearing the design name DETROIT, masses of oyster shells , early brass post office mail bag tags .
A Detroit plate , in two pieces , chipped about the edges , with a floral pattern , panels , and an oriental scene , was roughly glued together and kept. It subsequently travelled far and wide within Australia, now part of the Little Darwin collection has been pulled out and might undergo reglueing .
SAD SIR THOMAS UPDATE
Our hardened Shipping Reporter admits the latest sight of former Queensland Liberal Party Leader,Sir Thomas Hiley, reduced to a beach bum , brought tears to his eyes. Sir Thomas has been drying out on the Picnic Bay foreshore, Magnetic Island , abandoned by the heartless Liberals, for many years , nobody caring about him , his plight not picked up by the mainland media.
When our Good Samaritan waterfront roundsman called on Sir Tom he found assorted rubbish , including a coat hanger , empty beercans and a filthy Onkaparinga blanket on his person, vessel . Monsters from the deep could be seen glaring up from the oily bilge .
Nearby was a cork from a wino's bottle of plonk . The Canadian Beaver seen swimming about in the soupy water on a previous occasion had disappeared, probably rescued in a joint operation by the RSPCA and the Royal Canadian Mounties .
When our Good Samaritan waterfront roundsman called on Sir Tom he found assorted rubbish , including a coat hanger , empty beercans and a filthy Onkaparinga blanket on his person, vessel . Monsters from the deep could be seen glaring up from the oily bilge .
Friday, March 27, 2020
BONDI BEACH TO REOPEN THANKS TO NEW AGE INVENTION
In a brilliant move to attract unwashed Irish backpackers back to iconic Bondi Beach , they will be armed with newfangled spears, like the ones above , to ensure they maintain a safe distance from their sickly countrymen cavorting about in droves at the recently closed down top Aussie tourist spot . The scientifically designed .45 calibre weapons have been described as similar to cattle prods , except they are not battery charged .
A New South Wales government health / border security spokesman , communicating via unwashed Leprechaun runners , told Little Darwin the bulk of Bondi tourists are backpackers from Ireland , which is why it appears on maps , including the charts of Captain Cook, as County Bondi .
Each Irish tourist passing rapidly through Sydney Airport or coming off a cruise ship will be presented with a free spear, decorated with shamrocks on the shaft, mass produced in various refugee detention centres .
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Irish misbehaving as usual.
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Bondi , it is predicted , will explode back into life as the tourists , escaping the miserable Irish weather , rush down to the beach like a horde of armed cannibals greeting tasty missionaries in the Pacific , keen to soak up the sun , surf , beer and Neighbours way of life , helping revive the entire Australian economy in the process .
ATTEMPT TO KILL POPULAR BIRD ?
One of the many, many stories not picked up by the media in the steamy north is the apparent attempt to pluck (repeat pluck) the Townsville Magpie, seen here larking about in the city's Anzac Memorial Park.
It is the pet creation of veteran journalist Malcolm Weatherup which each week delivers a lively broadside on The Magpie website - often having a go at the Murdoch Townsville Bulletin, where Malcolm once worked , and various others who regard themselves masters of the universe under the city's cruel , so- called rain shadow .
This dehydrated canopy nevertheless flooded a large part of the city not so long ago when somebody forgot to tell the little Dutch boy to remove his digit from the hole in the dam wall early in an unusual deluge .
It is the pet creation of veteran journalist Malcolm Weatherup which each week delivers a lively broadside on The Magpie website - often having a go at the Murdoch Townsville Bulletin, where Malcolm once worked , and various others who regard themselves masters of the universe under the city's cruel , so- called rain shadow .
This dehydrated canopy nevertheless flooded a large part of the city not so long ago when somebody forgot to tell the little Dutch boy to remove his digit from the hole in the dam wall early in an unusual deluge .
For weeks , people who regularly and eagerly tune into The Magpie , believed to be of the flute playing , black-backed kind , have had difficulty logging on or else received strange warnings that the site is radioactive , even contains a virus , can induce cradle cap , will make you fall off your perch , etc. This being a great time for conspiracy theories , there is a wild theory that somebody has hired a computer assassin to silence The Magpie .
Who , it must be asked , would be so desperate to strangle the bird by paying someone to hack into its nest and silence one of God's creatures , whose song has been described in What Bird Is That as one of the most joyous rendered by Australian birds?
Who , it must be asked , would be so desperate to strangle the bird by paying someone to hack into its nest and silence one of God's creatures , whose song has been described in What Bird Is That as one of the most joyous rendered by Australian birds?
This morning , this blog received a call from an irate regular Magpie fan, with a great news sense , asking what the hell is going on as he had just tried to log onto the bird and could not. We repeat : There are a thousand and one unreported stories in the naked , in a flap city, and environs - this just one from the taxidermist's work bench , knee deep in feathers .
CRUISE SHIP MOTH PIT CONDITIONS
Exposed by Shipping Reporter who smuggled himself aboard disguised as a perambulating aspidistra
Aussie Curlew couple , in expensive presidential luxury cabin , photographed complaining about dead moths in the swimming pool and being bombarded by falling mandarins, some caught in netting . Complaints by passengers were heard in respect of other matters, such as : " Waiter! There is a fly / moth in my ointment , finger food , caviar and martini !!!"
THE BUTT OF UNHOLY JOKES BOTTLED UP, BARRELS ROLL OUT
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Sign in North Queensland shop .
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Cartoons galore forwarded to this blog , including one offering a toilet roll in the raw-a log , for $20.
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Pavement directions outside Magnetic Island grog shop .
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Thursday, March 26, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
JAPANESE (SCRAPMETAL ) OLYMPICS STILL ON
Another Shipping Reporter Scoop
Australia may have decided not to send a team to the Olympic Games originally set down for later this year , but it is busily processing scrapmetal for Japan .The above photograph and the one below show some of the scrap being barged out of Magnetic Island for Townsville .
So far unnoticed by the mainland media is the clearance of much old earth moving equipment on the island from a site through which a fire raged some months ago , next to Gustav Creek , which flows into the harbour . It is not clear if the damaged sportscar on the side of the road will be shipped off the island to Japan.
So far unnoticed by the mainland media is the clearance of much old earth moving equipment on the island from a site through which a fire raged some months ago , next to Gustav Creek , which flows into the harbour . It is not clear if the damaged sportscar on the side of the road will be shipped off the island to Japan.
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Marathon runner saved from scrapheap, placed on pedestal .
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Tuesday, March 24, 2020
KEEPING YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER REQUIRES UNUSUAL TOGETHERNESS
Trapped at the bottom of a black , plastic bucket, part filled with rainwater, were a lizard and a moth. As the lizard energetically scrambled about the bucket attempting to escape, the moth followed , at times climbing up on its head, going for a ride . On land , the lizard would almost certainly have eaten the moth with one swift chomp . But , facing death , they became close companions in the struggle to survive . The following shots show them in a crescent moon like setting with reflected foliage .
When the bucket was slowly tipped out , the moth fluttered away , the lizard rode the wave , just sat on the grass , panting , for ages, looking up at the photographer, who blew it a soothing kiss or two .
Then it made for the rocks to sunbake . Vallis series
TREASURER HIDING NATION'S UNHEALTHY , RUBBERY FIGURES FROM THE REPUBLIC
They base this startling claim on several recent events , including the media conference, above, in which Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg passed himself off as Minister for Health , Greg Hunt. Hunt had not been looking any sicker than usual , so it was a bizarre act to trot out the anaemic looking chancellor of the exchequer to say the basic fundamentals of the spreading virus were extremely healthy .
It had failed to deceive the alert media because Josh in no way resembles Minister Hunt . As everybody knows , Hunt , below, right , looks more like one of those slim critters which chase doomed rabbits down burrows . He has much more hair, though admittedly in need of a brush , than Josh . Crude graffiti with associated rhyming slang related to Hunt has been seen under the Katherine River bridge in the Northern Territory, over the town's unhealthy water supply.
On the other hand , Josh has an all round , fuller figure , admittedly with very little hair on top but muscular Wimbledon formed biceps .
It would therefore be impossible for the cigar smoking Treasurer to pass himself off permanently as the Health Minister . So he may have to just settle to wearing his new Sir hairpiece , left behind on a cruise ship in Sydney , to cover his thinly thatched dome as a distraction to prevent the media from asking questions about the surplus which was an illusion and card trick from the beginning .
THE MYSTERIOUS STING
What next -an asteroid bombardment ? Unripe citrus fruit has been mysteriously falling from trees day and night without Cockies and other critters seemingly responsible . During the night, occasional plops were heard -more mandarins dropping to the ground . A man of immense knowledge, including the double life of a judge who figured in a famous bushranger case , was asked if he knew why vitamin C is dropping from the sky in North Queensland . Yes -the fruit is being stung by a moth!!!! Our Mastermind informant said the ground under his lime trees is covered with fruit that has been stung .
Sure enough,when the outside light was turned on large numbers of striped moths were seen making raids on the fruit, under the netting , a millet broom used to dong some . Five buckets of fruit binned so far . Computer could be under moth attack as well as we are having problems with text.
Sure enough,when the outside light was turned on large numbers of striped moths were seen making raids on the fruit, under the netting , a millet broom used to dong some . Five buckets of fruit binned so far . Computer could be under moth attack as well as we are having problems with text.
