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Stern Speaker conducts lusty singing of Advance Australia Fair to drown out bellowing monarchists in parliament
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The present constant
uproar in
the Victorian parliament
is but a storm in a
teacup compared with
the wild time when Pete
Steedman “ruled” the
state and
took part in
an explosive debate over
a proposal to
redevelop the Melbourne
Botanic Gardens and
build an inconspicuous 88-
storey tower - designed
by Ken Done- for
the underprivileged and homeless on the prime
site.
A rare DVD
record of that
shameless Tammany
Hall period shows
Steedman and the dodgy Victorian Treasurer drinking from tinnies
in parliament .
Somehow , American raucous stand up comedian , the late Phyllis Diller
, dressed like
one of Cinderella’s
ugly sisters, appears early
in the footage , which explains
that Comedy Festivals in the past have
included overseas artists ; her autobiography , entitled
Like a
Lampshade in a Whorehouse , could well inspire a book on current politics...Financial Review artist , David Rowe , having just used this angle in another brilliant cartoon depicting a scene in a Mark Textor porn production in which there is a familiar woman with a lampshade over her head .
The introduction
goes on to say that the legal
profession had
received attention in the past, now it is the turn of politics in the
form of
live coverage of parliament “sabotaged” by the Comedy
Company . In the production
, Steedman, billed as an
ex- politician , quick - witted rebel and aggressive cynic , plays the part of
the Premier ,Vic Southland,
of the Socially Acceptable Left Party
(SALP) , swept into power
after Premier Cain had
been unceremoniously dumped after a snap
election.
An
excited ABC reporter , outside parliament , says it
is hard to believe that Southland ,
the former university rebel now
the truly enfant
terrible is the head of state . Leader of the Opposition in
the ruckus is former
Federal Liberal president , Tony Staley ,
going under the name , Winsom Sharpe .
Parliament is actually the
St. Kilda City Council
Chamber and
the real Premier , John Cain , is a member
of the large public
gallery , which joins in the uproar and
fun . Outside , members
of the public are demonstrating and waving placards
against
the grandiose proposal , the first Bill put before
the house . The Honourable
Speaker , none other than seasoned actor , Terry Norris
( Bellbird, Cop Shop ), an
ALP Victorian politician for 10 years , kicks
off play by
singing Advance
Australia Fair , while Staley’s Liberal side counters with God Save the Queen. The
Speaker then says a
prayer , starting with “As I lay me
down to sleep ...” he continues by fervently asking that ,
should he die before the morn
, all his parliamentary superannuation go to his wife. Steedman is seen giving Staley a two-fingered salute .
In introducing the Bill for the
development of the
Royal Botanic Gardens ,Treasurer Peter Beating , Member
for Vintage Ports , actor Michael Bishop , says homeless
young people
wanting to crack
a flat in
the tower will receive
an application
form sent to the last known
address and they will
be entered in a ballot .(It is interesting to note that when Steedman
was editor of Broadside
, he took on the Housing
Commission for failing to
carry out its job.)
Development of the gardens will be
a
joint project between the government , the Bi-Centennial Authority and Sushi
of Japan (Australia ) Pty Limited ...there is a loud cry of "Don’t come the raw prawn !” from Peter Massey
Ferguson, of the Beef Short
Cuts Party .
In a fine imitation of
Prime Minister Bob Hawke , the Treasurer rolls his eyes, tugs at his ear lobes and shirt cuffs, and announces that by the year 2000 , no child will be living
in poverty. Violently and
emotionally opposing the wholesale destruction of the Royal
Botanic Gardens by SALP
is the theatrical
environmentalist , Lawn Green , alias
comedian Brian Nankervis , popular in the 1980s –l990s
as the eccentric beat poet, Raymond J. Bartholomeus , a
regular on Hey Hey
It’s Saturday ! Lawn
Green , Member for
Queensland Heads , rises and presents the Speaker with a flower. His Environ -Mentals Party , he says, wants the whole of
Australia placed on
the world wild
life heritage list.
He paints
an entrancing picture of the nearby untamed waters of the
Yarra Yarra and the gardens
with exotic palms , exotic hydrangeas and grass as far as the eye can see . Describing himself as homeless , he has
an alternative plan for
part of the gardens , which involves clearing the Cactus
Garden section and replacing it
with a government run marijuana plantation
. The National Crime Authority inquiry into the Painters and “Decorators ” Union , he points
out, had revealed
that the illegal
drug trade was worth $600million annually , which equated to $40 for every man, woman and offspring , clearly indicating he was
being overcharged for his
supply.
There is
uproar when he
calls Premier Southland
Adolf Hitler and refuses to
withdraw the statement.
At one stage in his speech, he leads
a large group in
the singing of We
Shall Overcome ; he is dragged out , protesting , by parliament
security; the Speaker declares
the myth that marijuana is not bad
for you is obviously wrong.
In the
skit , Staley is
seen in a
suit, down on his knees,
praying . Steedman also
sports a suit and tie , as does the Treasurer.
The Opposition
Treasurer, Winsome Lucky, played by actor Val Lefkowsky,
produces leaked documents in which
she
reveals the proposed
Act would extend
development beyond the Botanic
Gardens and include the National
Tennis Centre.
This sensational information
causes
Premier Cain, sitting in the
gallery, to jump to his feet and express dismay at encroachment on his beloved
tennis arena . Brandishing her roll of
leaked plans, Lucky goes on to
say that Sushi of
Japan (Australia) Pty. Limited is the
front for a scam
linked with companies with names like
Cold, Getting Warmer, Hot , Very
Hot, the latter controlled by three
nominees, including Peter Beating ! By
this stage the Treasurer, right , protesting strongly, rushes over and tries
to grab the plans from Lucky ; he receives a knee in the groin , totters back to
his seat next to
the Premier who, smiling, asks if
he wants a massage.
Parliament
is thrown into total uproar , a paper aeroplane is launched, Staley holds up a placard : RESIGN. There is a vote of no confidence in the government and it is
toppled. Looking like two Queensland
bikies in leather jackets
and wearing dark glasses, the
ousted Premier and his Treasurer, below ,
re-enter parliament and monster
Lawn Green , ordering him out of his
seat.
The triumphant
new Premier says
the Royal Botanical Gardens
have been run down by
all the folk festivals held
there . He announces a
plan to convert
part of the area
into a
36- hole golf course to attract American
dollars to the state . A subsequent
vote, however, results in a win for
the homeless . A little boy
is seen throwing a paper
aeroplane as part of the celebrations on the winning side of the House,which includes the ousted Premier and Treasurer .
The DVD includes interviews
with the scriptwriter and producer and Steedman and Staley . In one part , Steedman and Staley , above ,
both agree that all actors want to play
the part of politicians. Steedman
makes the
point that this became
evident after the
two bit actor,
Ronald Reagan , with a desire to bomb the
world, became the US
President . This was particularly attractive to those on
Staley’s side of politics. Steedman
says he wants to demean politics
in a bid to
get some fresh air into the establishment and do
something about the
factions on both
sides which bedevil
politics.
He caused Staley to laugh when he said
he ( Staley ) had retired from politics because of his embarrassment over
getting Malcolm Fraser into power and would never live down the shame .
NUT NOTE :
When Tony Staley
was Federal Minister for
Telecommunications a group lobbying for
a community radio licence
in Townsville-4TTT- sent him reminders written
on coconuts . He
took those coconuts with him as a souvenir when he quit
Canberra and they
disappeared . Anybody
finding a few stray
nuts , with pleading messages
to Canberra on them,
please contact us
ASAP . NEXT: Steedman gets
Julia Gillard to draw up
a contract for him
as he prepares to
launch an innovative
scheme to spread the
sound of music
throughout the nation.